9/22/2006

An Open Letter to All Christian Conservatives

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

We are tired of your bullshit proclamations of moral superiority and self-righteous piety. You and your religion do not have all the answers to life’s problems and you never will. Therefore, I command you, in the authority and words of Jesus Christ to go into your closets and pray in secret in the hopes that your father rewards you in public. Otherwise, you have your reward now and have no need of the heavenly approval which you invoke.

Your Bible is not a sword, nor is it authoritative to anyone except your tithers, and even they are abandoning you in droves. Your religion is not a political party and you are blaspheming the religion held so dear to so many good and truly righteous people when you seek to command their vote with your interpretation of morality and character.

When you wield your faith in the arena of political thought, you are no better than Osama bin Laden, with his twisted view of Islam. In fact, you are beneath him for the simple fact that while he is an ass for his distortion of his religion, he at least has the balls to act on it instead of trying to play at politics and statecraft among the likes of Jack Abramoff, Ralph Reed, and that unholy fuck, Pat Robertson.

If you want to do the nation a favor, then simply be a place of solace for those who seek wisdom and comfort in a confusing and grey world. Offer protection for the weak, uplift the meek, and provide shelter for the wandering. Sing and pray in a whisper to the shaking addict who knocks at your door for more than a free Bible and forced conversion. Wrap your arms around those who are alone and lost in a darkness of their own making before you try to push a GOP pamphlet into their hands and tell them it is god-approved.

But, above all, SHUT THE FUCK UP.


See to the mote in your own eyes, hypocrites, before you look to the beam in your neighbors’.

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