Lovers and Brothers

"The ties that bind..."

"Blood is thicker than water..."

These phrases are commonly used as expressions to promote family relationships as paramount to all others. We hear daily from politicians and clergy alike how important the basic family unit is and how its breakdown signals the fall of our civilization.

What I hear less about is how far we are to go to preserve that which we are instructed is important. To what ends must we travel in order to keep that family close, at least close enough to still call family? Is mere blood relation enough to constitute family or must we do more to deserve that recognition from others and expect more in return?

Those of us who are fortunate enough to find lasting and dear friends in our lives know full the level we must drop our guards in order to trust, to love another human being enough to stand by through thick and thin. Yet, with those same friends, lines can be crossed which would sever that tie that do not exist with those we call family.

For the sake of a brother, we might conceal the actions of a monstrous father. For the protection of a mother we might stand up in rightous fury against an abusive husband. These are noble actions and justified in their intent. Yet, what of the brother who abuses that sacrifice and turns his back?

Friendship, we are told, is a two way street. To have a friend, one must be a friend. Family is not exempt from this requirement. To call a man brother means being a brother or sister to him and in return desiring, no EXPECTING him to do the same. To not lay that expectation on those we call siblings, mothers, and fathers is to declare that we exist to hold up one end of a blood bargain and expect nothing in return.

It says that our loyalty is free, which is to also say it is worthless.

Another phrase we hear is that you can pick your friends but you cannot pick your relatives. This is a fallacy and a sometimes dangerous one as well. We can indeed pick our relatives, often even more easily than we choose our friends. After all, friends and lovers find each other like two fireflies in a world of darkness. Such a bond is not to be taken lightly nor to be considered second best to that relation which is only tied to our genetics.

For those of who reach a point of diminishing returns on our investment in anyone, friend or family, there comes the difficult decision of how to staunch the hemorrhaging of love. There are really on two choices, apply a bandage or amputation. The measure of either is what we expect in return from the effort. Will the love be returned or will we merely continue being considered a bottomless well from which they can drink as it suits them?