Bombshell

I was recently having a chat with a dear friend who is going through a divorce. We were talking the usual, regarding case status and the typical "he said, she said" stuff. Along the way, I asked how she holding up and she mentioned finding solace in an online forum* dedicated to helping others in her situation.

Aside from the mutual encouragement and inspiration she had received from women, and even men, who are dealing with the pains of divorce, she brought a very interesting item to my attention. It seems that not all members of the forum are involved in actual divorces. More than a few are there for pre-divorce advice and support. One, in particular, has been posting in the forum for several months, describing his issues with his wife and what his plans include.

Now, this wouldn't normally hit my radar. People have their own lives and must deal with their own issues as they see fit. However, after reading some of the things this man alleges are reasons for the surprise divorce he has planned for after Xmas, I could stomach no more.

His main complaints? His wife has put on some weight in recent years and he considers it charity to make love to her even as he gripes that she doesn't feel sexy any longer and has a lower sex drive as a result. Does he even bother speaking to what she might be feeling during this time? Does he even consider her self-esteem? No.

Thus, he continually posts his disgust with her and his planning behind her back on an online forum. In one of the most recent posts, he describes how he plans to drop the bomb on her just after Xmas and before New Year. This is timed so he can acquire a new love interest to celebrate with on New Year's Eve.

The situation is, then, according to everything this man has described, one where a woman who has spent her adult life being married to a man, bearing his children, and staying home from her professional career to make a family. I am not defending the situation and declaring her innocent of any problems their relationship might have. Rather, I object to this man bringing his problems online to discuss with strangers, posting personal information about his wife, delighting in the fact of his conspiracy to leave her for someone else, and all while she sits unsuspecting at hom.

For these reasons, I called her and told her all about it.

It was surprisingly easy to find the guy. His online profile listed several pertinent facts and some basic Googling produced a different site with an even more detailed personal profile, including a first name and place of employment. Calling the employer with a fake story, I get the last name, including spelling and his email address. More Googling with the name and general location yields a single match, along with home phone number. The woman who answered the phone confirmed every detail I knew of the man and I launched into my warning to her.

The fact of how calmly she accepted all that I told her, along with hearing obviously write down the details of the website and how to confirm my warning encourages me that she will not take this lying down. What I know of her background is further evidence to me of a very different kind of outcome than her asshole of a husband envisioned. At the very least, I hope the man is rocked back on his heels and thinks twice about this level of betrayal in the future.

I report all of this here because the events described occurred only 15 minutes ago. I am still burdened with the sorrow I feel for this woman, who is a stranger to me in everything but voice now and I felt compelled to drain these thoughts here.




* No link or other personally identifying information for the couple in question will be provided.