Chains

Tonight, I found a chain. It is silver and slightly tarnished from the time spent in the location in which it had been hiding. The strand of intricate links circles my neck, even now. It dangles perilously close to the heart it was originally meant to touch. It had been a gift from my father. It was a gift taken in scourn and righteous, justified anger at the lifetime wasted in front of me as I accepted the small box.

I called upon your gods to damn you for all that you had done to me and those I love. I cursed your name and the names of your fathers. That such nobility of our ancient roots had been desecrated in the life you chose to lead and pass onto me and my brother is cowardice beyond reckoning.

And so the chain sat, unattended and unworn. It was found tonight, by chance, while looking for another lost trinket. I did not even remember bringing it with me on my current journey, much less packing it away where it was found.

In taking it up, in taking it around my neck, I recalled those times in my life when things were not so unhappy. I recalled laughter. I recalled a time when I was innocent of the burden of knowledge of your own squandered life. You were my father, then. My dad.

I could escape you. I could leave behind this name which has carried so much shame and guilt for so long and choose another. I could depart for the western lands my heart cries out for and leave you behind forever. I have the strength to do that and I have proven that you.

But I won't.

I will abide. I will keep my name. For all that I curse you, something good in you must still be present. You have numbered your own days and I will not curse them any further. What ill wind blows through your life is not one I will lend my breath to any longer.

I will wear this chain, from now on. I will reclaim my name from you even as I will reclaim my line of fathers. I will even reclaim my own father.

I love you, Dad. I forgive you. You deserve neither of those, but you have them nonetheless. Do not cast them aside so lightly ever again.