The Christian "side hug"

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="292" caption="Just in case kids might be tempted to start openly humping each other using the form of traditional greeting we have had for thousands of years, they are advocating, instead, something akin to a hockey check. Also, note how they got a white guy and TWO minorities in that pic!"][/caption]

Okay, first, you need to watch this:



Now that you have the most annoying song in the world stuck in your head, here’s somebackground on what the whole “side-hug” this is all about:

Christian youth groups finally have an alternative to normal, aka "front," hugs. As we all know, face to face embraces run the horrific risk of a clothed crotch graze. The Christian Side-Hug (or the CSH, as the kids call it) rids us of sin, as the only below the belt contact will be some good old-fashioned hip on hip action.

To help the side-hug fad sweep the nation, let us present this hardcore rap song. Yup, side-hugging has hit the streets. The group has as many emcees as the Wu-Tang Clan and as much power as a barbershop quartet.

Look out for the ominous sirens blasting on the track. Clearly, these are gangsters on the run from the law - probably from side-hugging up a storm! One emcee (wearing his bandanna 2pac-style no less) admits to taking part in the forbidden front-hug. But don't worry, God. He's married.

At the end, they all simulate getting shot and dying. We can only hope there are side-hugs in heaven.

What strikes me personally about this “fad”, aside from being completely and utterly ludicrous, is how once again, Christianity is needlessly sexualizing innocence.  By trying to convince kids there is something wrong with a hug, something about it being immoral or dirty or too tempting, they are introducing yet another element into already sex-saturated little media consumers.

Further still, they are selling this sexualization using the medium of rap music, long known for and accused of over-sexual lyrics, misogyny, and racism.

So what is the message here?  “Hey kids, it’s uber cool to think of hugs as being another way for the Devil to get into your pants, so here’s a nifty gangsta rap to help you remember that.”